June bride? Here’s a pro tip or two for you!

’60s linen dogwood-blossom tablecloth with a ’70s avocado green spoon rest. Janeray hates that green. I’m not disagreeing.

First off: despite what the packaging proclaims on this 1970s avocado-green enameled steel utensil, it’s not your spoon rest’s responsibility to keep your kitchen clean and tidy.

What are the quote marks for, anyway?

That’s your job, honey. Sorry.

And sure,  you can carefully sort your cooking utensils into their proper labeled places on your spoon rest. Me, I tend to slap them all together on one little plate, ’cause I’m not that fussy.

Mixing spoon, stirring spoon, meat fork—hey, aren’t we missing something here?

I’m not clear on the difference between the mixing spoon and the stirring spoon. Don’t they both kind of . . . mix things by, you know, stirring them?

But anyway. Pro tip #2: make sure you’ve got another spoon for actually tasting things. There’s no place on this spoon rest for that! A little reminder to actually taste the strawberry Jello salad with barbecued cabbage before serving it to guests would’ve saved Miss 1970s Bride a lot of well-deserved mortification.

Bonus tip: don’t put scratchy things on your stovetop. The little steel prong legs on this baby would’ve wrecked Miss Bride’s stove in nothing flat.

Can’t you just hear that thing scritching around on an avocado-green enamel stove top, like fingernails on a blackboard?

That’s all for now! Tune in next week for laundry advice!